Bravery in the Midst of the Unknown

Raise your hand if you’ve been facing a lot of unknowns lately.

*raises hand*

Now, raise your other hand if you don’t like it!

Ha.

Do any of us really (really really) embrace the unknown?

Rewind: the first three months of this year (2020) were unknowns for me as I was job searching and following leads and navigating friend situations and spiritual situations (challenging my own heart where it felt off-balance with God) and physical stuff—please note I’m so over antibiotics and steroids aftermath, yo—and aaallllll the stuff that can happen to a marriage in the midst of that (are we okay? are we not?) Oh. And then there was this pandemic thing.

We are in April now, celebrating Easter, the Resurrection Day, and I feel like I’m taking the deepest breath right now of fresh air.

It was really dark and shadowy, and it’s like I’ve come into a clearing, and I can just… rest for a moment.

I want you here with me.

I’ve been praying so much. For you. For us. For me. For clarity amid all the voices that come with being an Enneagram Six.

For the world that is crying so much right now…

It’s no doubt that I fall back on what I know works to calm me when things go crazy. (My relationship with Christ, writing, talking with my husband thoughtfully, and specific music to mourn, to worship, to lament, to rest, to relax, to see past this mess.)

The “unknown” is just plain hard to parse.

Especially when the whole world is extra ugly and people are fighting their hardest to shine light.

I know I can’t help a ton right now. But I got a little, tiny bit I can share. It’s something. 😉

As I’m praying for you, my readers, during my Easter online services where I hear about a Savior that came, bled, and died to fix the human race through relationship of love, I offer the best I could come up with right now: a triad of songs selected from my solacing music lists.

They have helped me. May they be a hug for you, my Friends.

Especially those of you who are facing the ugly unknowns right now. ❤

 

 

Here’s a big hug. *hugs you tight, then looks you in the eye* God sees you and He’s near, no matter what you feel.

Now, talk to me. What are you doing to process this time?

Everyone parses life junk their own way, right?

Tell me.

Tell me in the comments if you want to. I’m listening. 🙂

 

Walls, Toilet Paper, and Encouragement – Part 3 of 3

My new practice has been to put encouragement on the back of the toilet closet door. (What else is that little bathroom room called where the toilet lives? I guess it might technically just be “the restroom”? Someone correct me here.)

Since there’s so much discouragement going round right now, it seemed like a good decision for my household.

Sure, I can tape up words or witty sayings, but to me, the prayers and proofs of God’s blessings and love are way more weighty. So, yeah.

I thought I’d take this last post of the series and share my printouts that reside there on that door. For our captive readers, and yours. 🙂

Prayer From Colossians 1

This is a prayer given to my Husband and I when we were going through a difficult time. We were instructed to pray it over each other daily.

God, fill _____________ with the knowledge of Your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. I pray this in order that he/she may live a life worthy of You, LORD, and may please You in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of GOD, being strengthened with all power according to your glorious might so that he/she may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully give thanks to the FATHER, who has qualified _____________ to share in the inheritance of the saints in the Kingdom of light.
(This Prayer is adapted from Colossians 1:9-12)

Prayer From Psalm 91

This I copied directly from our Pastor’s Facebook post.

Instructions are thus:

Here is the Psalms 91 prayer that you can pray over yourself and your family. Just put your name(s) in the blank and pray LOUD!

Psalm 91

Family in Italics

Our Declaration

1 We, the ____________, who dwell in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 We will say of the Lord, “He is our refuge and our fortress, our God, in whom we trust.”

3 Surely he will save us from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover us with his feathers, and under his wings we will find refuge; his faithfulness will be our shield and rampart.

5 We, the ____________, will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 7 A thousand may fall at our side, ten thousand at our right hand, but it will not come near us. 8 We will only observe with our eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

The Lord’s Declaration

9 If you, the ____________, make the Most High your dwelling— even the Lord, who is your refuge — 10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For I will command my angels concerning you, the ____________, to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift up the ____________ in their hands, so that they will not strike their foot against a stone. 13 The ____________ will tread upon the lion and the cobra; the ____________will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because the ____________ love me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue them; I will protect them, for the ____________ acknowledge my name. 15 The ____________ will call upon me, and I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will deliver them and honor them. 16 With long life will I satisfy the ____________ and show them my salvation.” NIV

Letter From Loving Father God

This one is the most encouraging of them all for me, personally. It reminds me how loved I am, and whoosh I need that reminder several times a day. ❤

You can find it here and it’s translated into 70+ languages, too!

Oh, and they have it for FREE download. Yep.

 

I hope these help or give you ideas for encouraging the people in your household.

In light of the suffering and shutdowns this week, I’m doing a little thinking and sharing in three posts. Thanks for joining in.

I’m spending a lot of time praying. My prayers are for the world, so I’m praying for you, too.

 

Walls, Toilet Paper, and Encouragement – Part 2 of 3

Toilet Paper became really important in our house the other day.

Maybe it was prior to COVID-19 causing my fellow citizens to panic. But afterwards, definitely.

Maybe that’s why today, while pondering the dwindling house supply, COVID-19 social pains, and, well, the stuff deep thoughts are made of, it occurred to me:

Toilet Paper Cleans Stank.

I know philosophical waxing here might be unnecessary, but I’m going to drop a big one, if you will.

In the middle of all this chaos, humanity will always need something to clean up their messes.

Sometimes the lowliest piece of paper is all we need. Sometimes, something more substantial is warranted.

There’s an ongoing “stank” of attitudes, actions, and regrets that plague us.

Even in keeping the spiritual side out of this (which for a blog post, I can do, but IRL is not possible yo), it’s just an ongoing waltz of cause-and-effect.

Gross. Amen?

Which leads me to point two:

Toilet Paper Cleans Snot.

There is an ongoing stream of tears being shed by humanity.

I’m not sure about other countries, but here it is normal to use toilet paper as a tissue, acceptable to wipe up tears and snot.

But go deeper and farther.

Realize how many extra tears are being shed out of fear, death, and destruction caused by COVID-19.

I just want to gather up everyone crying around the globe right now and hug them.

Hug them hard.

Because what’s going on right now is horrible. Horrible-heart-broken-disgusting-terribleness.

Every time we even think toilet paper, we should be praying for those hurting.

Heck, leave a prayer in the comments!

But “comments” leads me to my last thought:

Toilet Paper is Like You: Needed.

A lot of people are going to read all the depressing news and pile it on top of the hard things that were already going on in their central world and they are going to go deeper into depression.

Stop it.

Don’t do that.

Get a hold of yourself.

Don’t give in to the negativity.

There was an answer the Great Creator provided all of us long ago by way of His Son. An answer so full of love and goodness, you can see light just by seeking that path, the Way

Wrapped up: you were not a mistake when you were born. He wanted you. He sees you. He has a purpose for your life. That means we must need your purpose, too.

Check on your neighbor.

Pray.

Do long-distance acts of kindness.

Give extra if that’s in your heart.

Do the good thing your heart has been aching to do since this whole COVID-19 thing started.

But, for all our sakes, don’t check out.

Don’t leave us.

There’s only 1 you.

And you can give someone else something needed, something only you can give.

So, yeah.

Be that.

I’m grateful to you for being that.

 

❤ Thanks.

Okay. Now I gotta figure out where our next batch of TP is coming from.

In light of the suffering and shutdowns this week, I’m doing a little thinking and sharing in three posts. Thanks for joining in.

I’m spending a lot of time praying. My prayers are for the world, so I’m praying for you, too.

 

Walls, Toilet Paper, and Encouragement – Part 1 of 3

Walls.

Meant to keep out.

Meant to keep in.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) kept out.

All of us kept in.

Walls divide.

Walls protect.

Is the boundary good?

Is the boundary bad?

If vulnerable and unloved, how can safety be found?

If kept safe and loved, how can free-roaming be practiced?

What lessons we learn,

What answers we get,

We are doing it together.

 

In light of the suffering and shutdowns this week, I’m doing a little thinking and sharing in three posts. Thanks for joining in.

I’m spending a lot of time praying. My prayers are for the world, so I’m praying for you, too.

 

Faithful

2019.

Reeling, I entered it being a funeral coffin.

That’s what I called myself for months, because that’s what I felt like after I miscarried our fourth baby.

I hated myself, my life, my enemy, my world, and my God.

Everything felt like death surrounding me.

I laid in bed, day after day, night after night, crying.
Hating.
Wishing.
Struggling.

I personally knew God’s goodness. His faithfulness. But at that point, I wrestled with why we’d lost another baby. Why He’d let this one die when I cried out for Him to save.

Enter God.

From January 10th until January 19th, He took me, His highly-visual Daughter, on a series of imaginings. Through a whirl of fictional situations, so vivid in my mind I had to write them down. He whispered to me a title and encouraged me to add names. He showed me a place in outer space and asked me to share in the conflict. Who was good, who was bad. And at the end of ten days, I knew.

I had a story perfectly etched of 40 days in the life of an orphan.

I started writing.
In the middle of the miscarriage pain.
In the throes of hormonal angst.
In the vastness of confusion.

I became focused on writing only, and I hated anything that got in the way of it. (Especially the sleepless nights that meant I wouldn’t be able to write well the following day.)

Then, something amazing happened.

Midway through the first 50,000 words, my review of what I’d written came to a halt in realization. I was my main character, and God was the father-figure. He was holding me in it all and helping me heal. Same as the father-figure helped my orphan chara.

Everything shifted for me.

From hate to understanding.

God stood with me in my pain.
So intimately and carefully, He’d helped craft a story to lovingly draw me into my healing.
Healing—not just from the miscarriage—but from my insecurities.
I cried more.

I’d been seen.

And I was held.
Loved.
Kept.
Known.

It was beautiful in a way only a loving God could give.

Speed up to December 31st of 2019. Here’s where I ended the year:

  • The hormonal-crazy of the miscarriage completely gone – yay!
  • God expanded the story from 40 days to 40 years
  • God brought me a bosom friend to co-write
  • Co-writer and I wrote 431,073+ words in one year

Y’all.

God met me that January where I lay, angry, bitter, sorrowful, and lost, and gave me what I needed, and stayed.

It’s so like Him to love like that.

So very like Him to meet me.

So very like Him to meet you.

So very like Him.

“I entrust my spirit into your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.
” Psalms 31:5 (NLT*)

endkevianaelliot

 

*Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Wanter Poem

My wanter is busted, or maybe it’s fine

But it pushes my feelers to so far behind

My wanter sees problems it desires to fix

Often my soul doesn’t want into that mix

The absurd and the costly, my wanter demands

I cringe at its focus, I drown in these lands

My wanter is busted, surely needs saving

Pushed along by it, my heart is done raving

God, please change my wanter to line up with You

Because it’s stuck with me, and You’re stuck with me, too