Reeling, I entered it being a funeral coffin.

That’s what I called myself for months, because that’s what I felt like after I miscarried our fourth baby.

I hated myself, my life, my enemy, my world, and my God.

Everything felt like death surrounding me.

I laid in bed, day after day, night after night, crying.

I personally knew God’s goodness. His faithfulness. But at that point, I wrestled with why we’d lost another baby. Why He’d let this one die when I cried out for Him to save.

Enter God.

From January 10th until January 19th, He took me, His highly-visual Daughter, on a series of imaginings. Through a whirl of fictional situations, so vivid in my mind I had to write them down. He whispered to me a title and encouraged me to add names. He showed me a place in outer space and asked me to share in the conflict. Who was good, who was bad. And at the end of ten days, I knew.

I had a story perfectly etched of 40 days in the life of an orphan.

I started writing.
In the middle of the miscarriage pain.
In the throes of hormonal angst.
In the vastness of confusion.

I became focused on writing only, and I hated anything that got in the way of it. (Especially the sleepless nights that meant I wouldn’t be able to write well the following day.)

Then, something amazing happened.

Midway through the first 50,000 words, my review of what I’d written came to a halt in realization. I was my main character, and God was the father-figure. He was holding me in it all and helping me heal. Same as the father-figure helped my orphan chara.

Everything shifted for me.

From hate to understanding.

God stood with me in my pain.
So intimately and carefully, He’d helped craft a story to lovingly draw me into my healing.
Healing—not just from the miscarriage—but from my insecurities.
I cried more.

I’d been seen.

And I was held.

It was beautiful in a way only a loving God could give.

Speed up to December 31st of 2019. Here’s where I ended the year:

  • The hormonal-crazy of the miscarriage completely gone – yay!
  • God expanded the story from 40 days to 40 years
  • God brought me a bosom friend to co-write
  • Co-writer and I wrote 431,073+ words in one year


God met me that January where I lay, angry, bitter, sorrowful, and lost, and gave me what I needed, and stayed.

It’s so like Him to love like that.

So very like Him to meet me.

So very like Him to meet you.

So very like Him.

“I entrust my spirit into your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.
” Psalms 31:5 (NLT*)



*Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Wanter Poem

My wanter is busted, or maybe it’s fine

But it pushes my feelers to so far behind

My wanter sees problems it desires to fix

Often my soul doesn’t want into that mix

The absurd and the costly, my wanter demands

I cringe at its focus, I drown in these lands

My wanter is busted, surely needs saving

Pushed along by it, my heart is done raving

God, please change my wanter to line up with You

Because it’s stuck with me, and You’re stuck with me, too

Bible Museum in Washington D.C. and Our Visit

My Husband and I visited Washington D.C. during the Fall of 2018. Such a beautiful and diverse city, rich with history and heavy humidity.

The brand new Bible Museum was easily the highlight of our trip.

We first heard about the Bible Museum from our Pastor, Robert Morris. He mentioned that he’d visited it and recommended that we all get out to see it. Our Pastor is a grammarian, so he described it as detailed and beautifully as he could, but it still didn’t do it justice! It was so much more than we could’ve imagined.

They have 6 floors full of exhibits, and a lower floor where they host exhibits (they were hosting a Jerusalem and Rome artifact exhibit while we were there). 

To give you an idea of what we saw, I am listing the floors with what their website describes for each:

  • Floor 1: Grand Hall – Visit the long-term exhibit from the Vatican Museums and Vatican Library, as well as Courageous Pages, an experience just for kids!
  • Floor 2: The Impact of the Bible – Perhaps no other book has had more impact than the Bible. Discover the Bible’s influence in many familiar though sometimes surprising places — often hidden in plain sight.
  • Floor 3: The Stories of the Bible – Walk through the stories of the Hebrew Bible, immerse yourself in first-century Nazareth, and listen to the story of how the followers of Jesus grew into a thriving community.
  • Floor 4: The History of the Bible – Discover the Bible’s history, from handwritten scrolls to mobile devices, as it was embraced by many communities with different traditions.
  • Floor 5: Special Exhibits, World Stage Theater – The 5th floor features “The People of the Land of Israel,” a long-term exhibit from the Israel Antiquities Authority, as well as a rotating slate of special exhibits.
  • Floor 6: The sixth floor houses Manna, Chef Todd Gray’s newest fast-casual restaurant, as well as stunning views of Washington, D.C.’s iconic skyline.
  • Floor B1: The basement level at Museum of the Bible hosts a variety of special exhibits exploring the Bible’s history and impact.

Don’t let my pictures fool you. There were a lot of people there. We were just doing the introvert thing and dodging them! (And we purposefully went during weekdays during hours when school was in session.)


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We went back a second day to finish seeing what we missed the first day. We agreed that if we’d dedicated three days of 4-5 hours each day to the Bible Museum, it would’ve been an even better pace. There is just too much to see and do there! It’s fantastic.

My Husband and I weren’t the same after the trip. We talked for hours about what we saw and what it all meant. From the sheer number of manuscript copies that survived the ages– regardless of greedy men attempting to use the Bible for power, to the impact the Bible had on history around the world, we were blown away and shocked how solid the Bible’s past really is.

Returning home, I couldn’t un-see the room lined with books representing the languages that still do not have a Bible translation, or the beautiful walk-through Genesis experience (extremely state-of-the-art; was like walking through a movie.) My Husband further researched the man who died a martyr’s death for translating part of the Bible into English so the common folk could read it.

We were sadly under-educated about the Bible and how it’s here for anyone to access. People gave their lives for me to be able to read about what the God of Creation did for me.

We are so grateful we had the opportunity to visit the Bible Museum and learn.

My Husband and I highly recommend the Bible Museum to anyone, any religion, any background. It’s well-run and very family-friendly. (HSP’s and those with Special Needs might want to take along noise-cancelling headphones. Some of the exhibits can be rough for those prone to over-sensitivity due to sound/sight stimuli.) 

If you’d like to support what the Museum of the Bible is doing, or maybe want to plan your own visit, you can learn more here …And you can shop their eclectic store by clicking here.